FROM THE VALLEY: Happening Around Our Great World
BY TOM VALLEY
Go figure: In California, the names of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and others are headed to the trash bin. Well, at least, if they are affixed to buildings as the names of 44 different schools in the San Francisco area.
The area's Board of Education, whose members are obviously “without sin,” decided in a nearly unanimous decision to “cast stones” at some of America's historical heroes because they weren't perfect human beings. As a result, they've decided to change the names of almost four dozen schools.
In a telling display of shallowness and lack of perspective, these clowns have come to the conclusion that no matter how much suffering some of the most-respected names in America's history endured to “constantly” (key word) improve and build a more perfect union, it didn't matter. Off with the honor of having a school named after them.
They totally forget whose shoulders they stand upon to say and make such outrageous decisions. Irony at its cruelest. Stupidity at its most obvious.
I'm not here to defend nor press charges against our founding fathers. Besides, the issue would take more time and consideration than … well, let's just say ... a Board of Education meeting. My job is just to report the situation. And, hang on, it gets even weirder.
There are additional reports, which are as true as Romeo was to Juliet, that the name of 'Grateful Dead' founder/musician, Jerry Garcia was in the Board of Education's consideration to replace those given the heave-ho.
Stunning! Only in California could someone come up with that idea. But, after all, that is where Disneyland and, quite fittingly, most of the “deadheads” are. And that, needs no further elucidation.
Let's take it a step further: Why not replace Abe in the Lincoln Memorial with Garcia. Stick a bag of acid/LSD in his pocket and switch the rigid concrete seat with a beanbag chair?! Perfect.
And why stop there? Mount Rushmore: Since it's carved into granite, why not change the historical figures into a “rock” band. 'Kiss' would look great atop that mountain.
And it shouldn't take much to reshape the tall obelisk (Bruce, that's a four-sided shaft of stone), better known as the Washington Monument, into a monster hand-rolled joint. Far out, man. I'm in, dude. Ah … what were we just talking about???
Moving on and under 'go-figure' again:
As my friend, Nelson, and “Family Feud” host Steve Harvey are prone to say. “Here's a 'goot' one for ya.” It deals with the officials at the rescheduled 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo which due to be played in late July – early August of this year..
In an effort to control/limit the spread of Covid in the Olympic Village, they issued a sort of good news, bad news memorandum. In the bad news category they have decided to ban all “unnecessary forms of physical-contact.” And on that list, they cited examples like: high-fives, handshakes, hugs, etc., etc.
The good news: Free condoms for everyone in the Olympic Village. Apparently, not everything was covered in the “et-ceteras.” They probably also advised: no good-bye hugs on the way out the door. And, there would be no medals awarded for how well one performed.
Finally, another really bad joke:
A woman who was three months pregnant fell into a six month coma. When she came to she naturally asked how her baby was. The doctor explained to her that she had a set of healthy twins.
“You had a boy and a girl and both are fine.” He added, “Luckily, your brother was around, so he took it upon himself to name them for you.”
“Oh my gosh,” the new mother screamed, “my brother is an idiot. What did he name the girl?”
The doctor replied, “Denise.”
Relieved ,the lady continued “Well that's not bad. What did he name the boy?”
The doctor looked down to his clipboard and then peering over the top of his glasses, back at the mother and said, “Denephew.”
That's the way it looks from the Valley.