FROM THE VALLEY: Seriously Is This Real?
“I am not a robot”
Most of us who have worked or ordered something online are familiar with
that verification request. It's an assurance check by whom or whatever we are
dealing with, that we are actual, living, breathing human-beings. Human-beings
capable of thinking for ourselves. Not some sort of brainless mechanism put in
place to be programmed and directed by someone with ulterior motives. Or is it
the other way around? Deception, by the way, is a conniving attempt to
disguise a hidden agenda. But you knew that, right!?
I know what you're thinking: “Oh-oh, there he goes, again. He's going to
veer off and slide into one of his Mr. Know-it-all political rants.” Well, relax,
I'm not. It's tempting, but I'm not.
Back to that robot thing. After tapping/checking the box, to attest to the fact
we are not (robots), we are further asked to verify and prove it. Why? Because
distrust is now, sadly, ingrained into the fabric of our society more than ever
before. I'm not sure why.
So you know the deal: we're shown about a dozen thumbnail-size or larger
pictures and asked to mark each box which has a specified item in it.
Slight embellishment dead ahead. That's when I, personally, freak out. I'm
like a 5
th grader who is asked to spell “surreptitiously” right after the person
ahead of me got to spell “fake.”
I'm instructed: “Check all the boxes with trees in it” Holy crap. I fret: “Are
those leaves from a branch in the upper-left corner? Does that tractor-trailer
have a load of Christmas trees, tied and bound in the back of it - and, if so, does
I get stressed over such a silly thing. I worry that if I submit the wrong
answer, the robot-police are going to burst through the door and swing through
my windows and arrest me for intentionally falsifying a purchase-form while
simply trying to buy a six-dollar bag of golf tees. It's tough a battle. Whatever.
That's all I got ... at this time. But I'm not conceding defeat, I'll be back. But
for now, let's move on and act like it never happened.
Next: I was shocked to learn that in a recent vote, the Buffalo Bills were not
more popular than all the other teams put together. Listen, I've been to a lot of
their games; and every single time I was there, there were tens of thousands of
people in the stands rooting for them. How then, I ask, is it possible that they
are not the most popular ... by a landslide? I saw the people myself! Seriously,
to pound this point right through an imaginary wall, it had to be a rigged
survey, a complete hoax ... a hoax like the world has never seen.
And speaking of the stadium, isn't it odd that the 'stands' are actually 'seats'?
They say one thing, yet mean another. Weird stuff.
Next: Speaking of weird stuff, I wonder if Adam and Eve, when they
disagreed, ever thought of seeing other people?!
Next: How do they know (whoever “they” are) that no two snowflakes are
Something else: Lately, after reading something from Microsoft News on
my computer, I notice there's been a survey at the end of the article asking me
for my opinion about what I just read. There are usually 4 choices:
3) Not sure
4) No opinion
Okay, how much information can a pollster garner from “Not sure”?
Seriously. I don't get it. And why in the name of a spineless politician would
they list “No opinion” as a choice? I mean, if you have no opinion,, why would
you even bother to submit it? Apathy fundamentally means a void of response.
And how do they interpret/classify the differences between 3 and 4? Both mean
Give me a break. These morons are simply trying to see if you read it.
Another deceptive, not-so-slight of hand misdirection – a hoax.
That's it. And so, seriously ... how did you like the column? 1) Agree, 2)
Disagree, 3) Not sure, 4) No opinion, 5) How did you ever become a
Disclosure: Tom Valley is on vacation. The preceding was written by a
And that's the way it looks from the Valley.