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FROM THE VALLEY: Seriously Is This Real?


“I am not a robot”

Most of us who have worked or ordered something online are familiar with

that verification request. It's an assurance check by whom or whatever we are

dealing with, that we are actual, living, breathing human-beings. Human-beings

capable of thinking for ourselves. Not some sort of brainless mechanism put in

place to be programmed and directed by someone with ulterior motives. Or is it

the other way around? Deception, by the way, is a conniving attempt to

disguise a hidden agenda. But you knew that, right!?

I know what you're thinking: “Oh-oh, there he goes, again. He's going to

veer off and slide into one of his Mr. Know-it-all political rants.” Well, relax,

I'm not. It's tempting, but I'm not.

Back to that robot thing. After tapping/checking the box, to attest to the fact

we are not (robots), we are further asked to verify and prove it. Why? Because

distrust is now, sadly, ingrained into the fabric of our society more than ever

before. I'm not sure why.

So you know the deal: we're shown about a dozen thumbnail-size or larger

pictures and asked to mark each box which has a specified item in it.

Slight embellishment dead ahead. That's when I, personally, freak out. I'm

like a 5

th grader who is asked to spell “surreptitiously” right after the person

ahead of me got to spell “fake.”

I'm instructed: “Check all the boxes with trees in it” Holy crap. I fret: “Are

those leaves from a branch in the upper-left corner? Does that tractor-trailer

have a load of Christmas trees, tied and bound in the back of it - and, if so, does

that count?”

I get stressed over such a silly thing. I worry that if I submit the wrong

answer, the robot-police are going to burst through the door and swing through

my windows and arrest me for intentionally falsifying a purchase-form while

simply trying to buy a six-dollar bag of golf tees. It's tough a battle. Whatever.

That's all I got ... at this time. But I'm not conceding defeat, I'll be back. But

for now, let's move on and act like it never happened.

Next: I was shocked to learn that in a recent vote, the Buffalo Bills were not

more popular than all the other teams put together. Listen, I've been to a lot of

their games; and every single time I was there, there were tens of thousands of

people in the stands rooting for them. How then, I ask, is it possible that they

are not the most popular ... by a landslide? I saw the people myself! Seriously,

to pound this point right through an imaginary wall, it had to be a rigged

survey, a complete hoax ... a hoax like the world has never seen.

And speaking of the stadium, isn't it odd that the 'stands' are actually 'seats'?

They say one thing, yet mean another. Weird stuff.

Next: Speaking of weird stuff, I wonder if Adam and Eve, when they

disagreed, ever thought of seeing other people?!

Next: How do they know (whoever “they” are) that no two snowflakes are

alike?

Something else: Lately, after reading something from Microsoft News on

my computer, I notice there's been a survey at the end of the article asking me

for my opinion about what I just read. There are usually 4 choices:

1) Agree

2) Disagree

3) Not sure

4) No opinion

Okay, how much information can a pollster garner from “Not sure”?

Seriously. I don't get it. And why in the name of a spineless politician would

they list “No opinion” as a choice? I mean, if you have no opinion,, why would

you even bother to submit it? Apathy fundamentally means a void of response.

And how do they interpret/classify the differences between 3 and 4? Both mean

nothing.

Give me a break. These morons are simply trying to see if you read it.

Another deceptive, not-so-slight of hand misdirection – a hoax.

That's it. And so, seriously ... how did you like the column? 1) Agree, 2)

Disagree, 3) Not sure, 4) No opinion, 5) How did you ever become a

columnist?

Disclosure: Tom Valley is on vacation. The preceding was written by a

robot.

And that's the way it looks from the Valley.

Tvalley@Rochester.RR.com

The author Tom Valley who is pretty sure he is definitely not a robot.

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