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FROM THE VALLEY: Things aren't exactly tremendous

Things got tense last week. At least in our household. My dog, Maggie, heard a report on the news about a possible meat shortage. It's not that she thinks she won't get her normal share, she's afraid people will get desperate … and … well, let's put it this way: I can't get her out of the house.

She reminded me that China, the speculated source of the global-mess we are experiencing, sells and consumes dog-meat. I told her to relax; she had nothing to worry about. I tossed her an unfinished piece of my lunch. That always allays any concerns she has. (That same trick works for me, by the way.)

“Here Maggie, have some of this.” I offered.

“What is it?” she barked.

“Hot-dog.” Oops! The vet, Dr. Jim, said he's never seen such a frozen look of fear and shock on the face of an animal in all his years of practice. It took good ol' Magpie (nickname) an hour or two before she could blink, but she's fine now. Shakes a lot, but fine.

Maggie's a good dog. I got her about ten years ago from a rescue shelter. She goes with me almost everywhere. In the truck to run errands, in the boat when I go fishing and once, she even went with me in a golf cart. That golf-cart thing came about as I was visiting my friend, Mike, and his brother-in-law, Dave in Clayton, N.Y.

That day, we decided to golf but had no place to leave Maggie. Mike knew the owner and called him to see if it would be okay to take her on the course with us. The man, who wasn't actually there (at the course), said it was fine. “Just tell the girl behind the counter that I said it was okay.”

When we got to there I went into the clubhouse to pay the fees. I had Maggie on a short leash right by my side, I also had my dark sunglasses on. Instead of looking directly at her, I announced loudly, “I'd like to pay for 18 holes of golf and a cart.”

I fumbled around like I was searching for the counter. After successfully reaching it, I placed a handful of bills down and said, “Is that enough for both me and my seeing-eye dog?” I then added, “Do you have any score cards in braille?” (I can almost guarantee, I'll get e-mails about my perceived insensitivity with that anecdote. I always do.) The girl's look, btw, matched the same look Maggie had in the last story.

The sad part about that golf-outing, is that I played like I was blind. Maggie was so embarrassed, she got out of the cart and walked. And, sadly, refused to keep my score for the rest of the round.

Changing topics:

Several friends of mine, who spent the winter months in Florida, have returned and are not happy with the cold weather. I got news for them, neither are the people who stuck it out here. But welcome back to N.Y. to two of my favorites and two of Lockport's best, Dolores and John G.

Florida is okay, but I don't care to spend a lot of time there. When my parents were alive and living in Tampa, I would go to visit. The best thing that comes out of Florida, as far as I'm concerned, is I-75. And now that Tom Brady is there, the place is dead to me.

Next: I recently read “A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life.” It's time for some carnations. (Stolen jokes.)

“You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.”

“I saw a documentary on how ships were put together. It was riveting.”

“Apparently, smoking pot is bad for your short term memory. If you think that's bad, think of what smoking pot does to you.”

“I invented a new word yesterday: Plagiarism.” (Which describes what you just read in the above quotes.)

Finally: "Bobblehead" Pence said the other day “we've made tremendous progress” in the battle against Covid-19. Really? “Tremendous”? If how I am now living my life is someone's definition of 'tremendous' maybe that someone needs a new dictionary. Not all of us are hypnotized into believing non-truths. Nor are we stupified into ignoring what we actually see with our own eyes. Don't tell us to trust you when you change your strategy – and your story - every other hour. Period.

And by the way, any chance of making America healthy, again?

That's the way it looks from the Valley.

Tvalley@Rochester.RR.com

The author Tom Valley with his sight restored and eyes on nation's health

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